Aspire to that’s the kind that annoys you. The notion of the leader who Mickey The Mandalorian this is the way sunset shirt always knows the answer and never exhibits any doubt is that kind of superficial ideal. Mostly, when one sees someone who has that kind of confidence, it’s a sham: there is a significant element of pretense for anyone who claims to have all of the answers and never shows any uncertainty. Consider Donald Trump as an example of that kind of confidence: brash, self-absorbed, unable to consider himself from more than one perspective. Yes, that has a kind of cheap attractiveness to it, for some at least. Others are revolted. But that’s an example of superficial confidence
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It’s basically just ego handed the keys to the car and told “why don’t you Mickey The Mandalorian this is the way sunset shirt take a few shots of whiskey first!?”which is much more subtle. Your struggles with self esteem and internal anguish reflect a particular and deep problem that is common across humanity, it’s not personal. Even people with the superficial confidence described above have to struggle with this: beyond the surface, beyond the fragmented ego, below the turmoil of the mind caused by guilt and pain, fear and doubt, shame and stress, everyone has the same problem that problem is a matter of resolving “who am I?” with certainty.